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[mistyday]

"Hey y'all, it's Misty, leave a message after the beep!"

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action; backdated to after Alex's arrival

[stefanged]

[At times like this, Stefan can't believe that he can simply head down the hall and bam, he can snuggle up with Misty or even just visit her room to chat. He's never gonna miss those constant shuttle ride. But he needs to talk, more than ever, and she's one of the few he trusts to give him an honest, unbiased opinion. Especially when it concerns another, important witch.

Quietly, he knocks on her door. ]

Hey, Misty? Can I come in?

[mistyday]

[Stevie, as always, is singing softly in the background while Misty hangs out in her room. She's been slowly working her way through a Co'kal manual on growing plants in space. Like most of their writings, it's overly technical but she's determined to get through it, to help make the Paisley's garden the best it can be.

For now, though, she rolls over in her bed, sets the book on her night stand, and calls out to Stefan:]

Yeah, come on in!

[stefanged]

Thanks, [he says, crossing over the threshold and taking his shoes off by the door.]

I... um... Is there any way we could turn Stevie off for a bit? [He takes a deep breath, folding his arms and trying his best to look her in the eye. The effort's failing.] I uh - there's something I need to talk to you about.

[mistyday]

Yeah, of course.

[Frowning, she reaches over to turn off the boombox, then sits up cross-legged in her bed, patting a spot in front of her for Stefan.]

What's up? Did something happen?

[stefanged]

[He flops down onto the bed, scooting back a little so that he can lie in Misty's lap. Perhaps that's not the best course of action, but Stefan isn't exactly in the right state of mind to think or reflect on it.]

Yeah, um... [He sighs.] Alex came back today, and she remembers everything. About the Fleet, about our friends, about... us. What we used to be.

[mistyday]

[Bad idea or not, it's what feels natural for them, so Misty doesn't think anything of him laying in her lap.]

Oh.

[She pauses a moment, not quite sure what to say.]

Does she want that still? Do you want that still?

[stefanged]

I don't know. [He wants some kind of magic, one-size-fit-all answer to the dilemma he's wrestling with. It would make everything so much easier.] Is that bad?

I loved her. I loved her so much that I wasn't listening to how I might not be in love with her, and I don't - I don't know what to do if she wants to try again.

[mistyday]

I don't think that's bad, as long as you're bein' honest... with yourself and her. People can't help what they feel they just... feel it.

[stefanged]

Yeah, but I don't want to hurt her again. [He pauses, hesitant to admit what comes next:] I've already rejected her once, you know.

She had these feelings for me, and I couldn't - I couldn't say anything because I still liked Elena [the subject of one too many talks before this] and because I was Muslim and - [He sighs.]

Because I had a lot of unanswered variables, and I thought I had them figured out by the time she left. Except I look at her, and they become unsolvable again.

[mistyday]

You can't not tell her the truth 'cause you're scared of hurting her. You're only gonna hurt her worse, in the end.

[stefanged]

[He nods. That's how he had hurt her, the very first time, when he'd told her no in their shared bunk room. Back when the Paisley had been smaller, more cramped, with crewmates bumping into each other on every corner.

It was harder to avoid people then. Still is, if someone's as active and involved as Stefan.]

I know. I swear, I do, I just... [He bites on his lip.] How many times can you tell someone no and still come off good?

[mistyday]

That's what you're worried about? That sayin' no makes you a bad person?

[stefanged]

Doesn't it? [He sits up now, furrowing his brow at her.] I told her like, twice, that I don't know if I love her as much as she loves me.

Doesn't that make me the bad guy?

[mistyday]

No. You can't make yourself feel what you don't feel!

[stefanged]

Yeah, but... [He shifts, clearly uncomfortable.] Most of our friends said we'd be cute together, and then there were double dates and this whole big thing where we should've been perfect together.

It just... felt like I was going through the motions after a while, and saying what I thought would make her happy.

[mistyday]

If there's one thing I've learned, it's that listening to who everyone else says you're supposed to be only leads to trouble. [She takes his hand.] You know what the right answer is, in your heart. You just gotta be brave enough to listen.

[stefanged]

[She's right. As long as he listens to his inner voice – his guiding light – he can't disappoint anyone else in the long term. Alex and Jennifer may be hurt in the short term, but ultimately those feelings would subside. Time should heal those.]

Right now, it's telling me to hold off. Salvatore wants to kiss her, confirm if those feelings are real but... [He swallows.] Salvatore wasn't the guy Alex fell in love with either.

[mistyday]

[Her brow crinkles with confusion.]

Why are you talkin' about yourself like that? Like someone else?

[stefanged]

I never told you? [He mirrors her expression, concern immediately coloring his voice.] I'm a reincarnation, Misty.

Before I got here, I... I started having memories and experiences of a life I've never lived, except it's mine. Somehow.

[mistyday]

Reincarnation?

[Her eyebrows go up.]

That's real? What's it like?

[stefanged]

It's... terrifying, honestly. [He rubs his elbows, unable to meet Misty's gaze this once.] You'll be going about your day and then you suddenly remember that you can dance like Fred Astaire, or that you're fluent in Italian, and you get these... these sensations that you know for a fact don't belong to you.

But they feel so real that for a moment, you're lost in the memory and think that yeah, that's something you're familiar with. Or maybe this life's the fake and the one you're remembering is the real deal.

[With anyone else, he would hold off, maybe make some joke about how he can't keep anything straight, but Misty is too important for him to brush off. He heaves a low, slow sigh as he finally confesses - ]

Technically, I'm 26, but I feel like I'm a lot older.

[mistyday]

Hey.

[She rests her hands on his knee and leans in.]

It's okay to be scared. That's some freaky shit to have to deal with. But I'm here for you, whatever you need.

[stefanged]

[He nods, blinking back an entire waterfall as e looks back at her. For the first time since they've met, his voice grows quiet and small - ]

It's - it's - Alex is in love with the old me, and I'm turning into someone that I know she's struggling to love. Hell, I'm struggling, and -

[He coughs, rubbing his eyes with a newfound hatred. Whatever strength he has is gone now.]

[mistyday]

[It breaks her heart to see him like this - usually their roles are reversed, with him being her rock and comforter. But she doesn't hesitate to envelop him in a warm hug.]

No matter what, I love you, okay? That ain't gonna change.

[stefanged]

[The tears don't stop for a while. Stefan melts into Misty's embrace, allowing himself to release the tension and frustration and even the sorrow that he had been holding in for so long.

At one point, he had been able to tell Alex everything, but she wasn't Salvatore's biggest fan. (Neither was Stefan.) She couldn't understand how he couldn't press pause on something so important, and he couldn't understand how to reconcile two so vastly different people.

God doesn't give him what he can't handle. This, Stefan knows intimately. He has to keep believing in that, that he can get through this. He's capable. He has to be.

Muffled:] I love you too. I'm - I'm sorry you're seeing me like this.